A little back story

Hi my name is Alby. I’m 37 and I work in construction. I have depression and anxiety. i’m hoping this blog helps me deal with it and reaches some poeple who might need help as well.

When I was 24 my life change in an instant by asking a doctor if I could have an EKG during a physical. My EKG was abnormal. Extremely abnormal. Within days I had multiple appointments to figure out what was wrong. The consensus? I had congestive heart failure and sudden death syndrome. I know congestive heart failure, no big deal. It seams like everyone gets that nowadays. Its the sudden death syndrome that changed my life. To sum that up it meant that i could literally drop dead at any moment. I went from owning a successful high end finish carpentry company and being a competitive fencer and rock climber to having a doctor tel me if I lifted a gallon of milk my heart could pretty much pop like a balloon. Needless to say this messed with my psychi.

I did what the doctors said for a little while. I realized living in fear was ruining my life. I ended up with clinical depression from the lifestyle change. I wish I could say I dealt with this like a champ. I did not. I never got suicidal to say, but I did get self-destructive. I went back to climbing on a daily basis. I got extremely aggressive with my movements and did’t care what the consequences were if I took a huge fall. The whole sudden death syndrome thing says I was going to die anyway. I gave up planning for the future. I made some incredibly stupid decisions and somehow I managed not to kill myself.

Around 29 I passed out on a roof. I woke up laying on the roof and called my heart doctor. He told me I needed to have a pacemaker put in and my diagnoses changed. At 29, I was told I had Cardio Myopathy. I no longer had sudden death syndrome. I was no longer going to wake up dead! This was great news. Although the past few years of living the way I did gave me some serious depression and anxiety issues. I was on the up-mend!

I got back into rock climbing and even into crossfit. I was much more careful this time. I knew I was going to live. I unfortunately don’t do either anymore. I got injured too many times during my self-destructive phase. I kick myself in the ass for it every day. I am in pain, every day from my bad decisions, but I am alive.

So I made it to 37. I married this absolutely amazing woman. She doesn’t realize just how much she helps my on a daily basis dealing with my depression. I also have these three dogs. Even they help me to fight.

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